easter.

have you ever experienced a holy moment?
like...everything just feels different, and you know...
you know it's because the presence of God is palpable.
that's what friday night was like.
'to be continued' on the screen, and everyone got up and left.
in silence.
no words were spoken.
it was incredible.
God is alive.
living.
we get to celebrate that.
we get to live that out.
the sermon today, on easter, was about losing your religion to gain a relationship with jesus.
we don't find our hope in rituals, and the tally of how many ministries we are involved with, how much money we give, or how many times we go (or don't go) to church.
i'm not at church today.
i am home.
i've listened to the sermon.
and now i get to spend my own time with my jesus.
the one who doesn't care about rituals or tasks.
the one who wants a relationship with me...good, bad, ugly, sad, crappy, heart broken, prideful, beautiful, happy, apathetic, loving, what have you.
thanks for loving me.
period.
no matter what.

peace.

this time around...
i'm not so stressed.
i'm not analyzing everything.
i'm not trying to control.
i'm not worried about how every little thing will make or break this.
i'm not trying to impress.
i'm not being really careful.
i'm being me.
and i'm giving this to God.
this time around feels...
different.
good.
better.
right.
because i don't need this.
this doesn't define me.
even if it happens...
it won't be mine.
because it is already God's.
always will be.
and isn't that better?
isn't that how it should be?
wow...i don't have anything to do with this really.
my job is still to love the Lord with all my heart.
mind.
soul.
strength.
can i do that with this? absolutely.
a given.
no questions.
wow.
i don't need this.
but i want this.
because if it happens, it will be this amazing gift from God.
this beautiful thing i will be entrusted with to bring more glory to him.
wow...that's an awesome thing.
hmmm....
amazing peace about this.
amazing.
that's awesome.

blessed.

i have amazing friends.
like seriously...amazing.
and i've been realizing how blessed i truly am to have these friends.
old friends like kate and steve who know me well and have been through a lot with me.
beautiful women like sara and christy and jenna and sher who encourage me and challenge me and are in this fight with me.
awesome guys like dan and paul and nathan who are so much fun, and who really take care of me.
it has been so good to have you all as friends...
thanks for loving me...inviting me into your community...letting me into your lives.
you guys are the best!