sick.

when i'm sick, i turn into a five year old little girl again.
i just want to be taken care of.
i lose my filter.
i say things i do not mean.
would never mean.
i hurt people.
i think and say things irrationally.
i let everything get to me.
i give in to the deadness that i have been fighting against.
lately i have been feeling so empty.
feeling like there is no real meaning to my life as it is right now.
like all i am doing is worthless.
which isn't true.
this season in my life is so different than anything else.
i think because i'm not in school, i feel like i'm not working towards anything.
which isn't really true.
because there is a purpose in this season.
and it has been so good.
i know satan is just trying to ruin things like he always does.
but i refuse to give in to that.
i will give myself grace for being five right now.
i will realize that this isn't who i really am.
that i get to choose who i am.
and i don't choose the five year old version of myself.
and i will see this as an opportunity to seek God.
to grow and learn and become a better person.
and i will rest in the fact that even when i am five, God still loves me.